Best in Show: Holiday Horrors (Pt. II of II)





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5. P2
P2 isn't the most memorable horror film. But, with a fantastic concept and a terrifically loony role for Wes Bentley, this Christmas horror movie should be anything but forgettable. This typical obsession-slasher movie follows a corporate woman working late on Christmas Eve who becomes entangled in a cat-and-mouse game with a security guard blocking her in a parking garage. Things transpire with typical horror conventions but the resulting film glows with holiday cheer and is an entertaining addition to any yuletide playlist.



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4. Black Christmas

Whether deciding on the campy, spooky original or the somewhat grotesque remake, Black Christmas is a practical go-to slasher film for the season. Neither are masterpieces and both have some great aspects, and some really bad ones. But, while the bad is glaring, the good provides enough jolly holiday fun to make them more than worthwhile. The original's use of horrifying, telephone breathing and the remakes obscenely terrifying killer provide the perfect reminder that while these movies are definitely reserved for a certain time of the year, they will always be scary. 

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3. Better Watch Out

One of the best Christmas horror movies out there also happens to be one of the newest. Starring a cast a fantastic young stars, Better Watch Out is a twisty slasher brimming with the essence of the holidays. The visuals are lush, the lights warm and the bloodshed gory. All of it culminates into a perfect experience with funny, but intense results. Better Watch Out deserves the fan base it's rapidly collecting because it's a spirited and captivating holiday horror film that knows how to work its simple premise. Better Watch Out is now streaming exclusively on Shudder, a great move for a great movie.







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2. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is probably the most outlandish film to make this list. Odd, but actually scary, this comical Finnish horror flick is reminiscent of the worlds of Guillermo Del Toro, but with an undeniable locale-point of view. Rare Exports is now streaming on Prime which makes it all the easier to see for those of us who may have missed it on its first rounds. Full of festive undertones, brimming with sweater-adorning characters and really, really scary elves, this holiday movie is a blast.

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1. Krampus
While maybe the most typical option and the more famous out of the others, its negligent to ignore how polished Krampus is. Never taking itself too seriously, the film is full of campy scares, jovial comedy and overall high quality entertainment. Not only is it an effective holiday flick, it’s also a terrific horror and comedy one too. With characters that are unlikeable, yet lovable, elves as creepy as those in Rare Exports and plenty of odd baubles and trinkets that come to life, the ever-charming Krampus is a masterful blend of cinema.



Best in Show: Holiday Horrors (Pt. I of II)

The holidays can be a pretty fun time. Whether gathering around a tree or lighting the menorah, we're constantly reminded that this is a time for family and to resonate on all the things we're thankful for. But, for some, the season is a reminder of how terrifying their family is. This week's list covers the best holiday horror movies. On it, there's a notable absence of Gremlins, simply due to the overly fond memories held of this movie as a happier, campy children's film. The rest of these flicks are most certainly aren't meant for kids and will add an adult flair to an otherwise typical family theme found on Hallmark and Freeform. So without further ado, happy holidays! May they be as horrific as they are in these films.



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10. The Children

Cheesy and sometimes annoying, The Children gets plenty wrong in its attempts at making a horror film about a gaggle of youngsters who turn on their parents. The adult characters, and especially the one teenager unaffiliated by the strange happenings, are all pretty one dimensional. But in some ways, this makes the bloodbath that much more fun. The Children never really makes hearts beat faster, but it does provide a few good laughs and plenty of jovial moments with psychotic children doing exactly what one could expect. 


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9. The Conjuring 2

The Conjuring 2 is a terrifying horror sequel. If this was a list on modern horror movies, it would even be placed higher. But, what is often overlooked is that this film is actually a holiday movie. Taking place during the holiday season, even featuring Christmas decorations, The Conjuring 2 has even received (sarcastic) confirmation from creator and horror icon James Wan that the follow up of the fantastic original is, in fact, a Christmas horror movie. Even without many references, this movie is about family and its themes are reminiscent of those shared during yuletide celebrations. All that's missing in this generally not-about-Christmas-but-most-definitely-is-about-Christmas horror film to push it up this list is perhaps some more sparkling lights.

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8. Body 

Want to lose the Christmas spirit? This indie-thriller following a trio of girls who accidentally push a groundskeeper down the stairs of a house they broke into is just the kind of darkly mean-spirited flick to halt any thoughts of Santa or elves. Intense and void of any joy, Body would best be reserved for those who hate holiday fun. While the movie may have some disturbingly comedic moments, the ever-grim Body definitely isn't for the faint of heart.

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7. Orphan

Often forgotten on the list of Christmas-themed horror movies is Orphan; a film that takes place almost entirely around the holiday season. With perhaps one of the most iconic plot twists in modern horror, it's easy to forget how holiday-driven Orphan is. From scenic snowfalls and warm interior tones, to a Christmas tree and presents that matter later in the film, Orphan is a must-have inclusion for any jolly horror fanatic. Like many of the movies on this list, the themes go deeper than the setting and décor, featuring a family that must stand together or be ripped apart.

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6. Wind Chill

Before she stars opposite her real-life husband as a mother who must keep her family safe from a supernatural danger attracted to noise, Emily Blunt first starred in a little horror film called Wind Chill. Following two classmates who end up stranded on a "scenic" route during their trip home for the holidays, Wind Chill is an on-the-fly tale reminding all of us to be thankful for all we have, no matter how we got it or where we are. Wind Chill could have easily been a terrifying survival film, but when it ties in ghostly elements, audiences will certainly find plenty to appreciate during the holidays, given the sad lives of the road's previous victims.

Worst in Show: 2017 Horror (Pt. II of II)



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5. Wolves at the Door
Horror fans eat up pretty much all types of brutality in film as long as the result is warranted, fictional and generally in tasteful,  good fun. So when the marketed-as-a-horror-film true account of the grisly Manson Family Murders was unleashed in the form of Wolves at the Door, it should have come as no surprise that this unnecessary, distasteful and one-dimensional depiction left little to satisfy viewers. Told through a true perspective with little added depth, this movie would have done far better to stay clear of any real life cults, members or slain victims with living relatives. At least then the very blatant The Strangers rip-off would feel a little more spirited and tactful.

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4. Be Afraid

Indie horror can lead to some pretty great little gems. Unfortunately, Be Afraid is far from sparkling. Confusing, immature and generally dumb, Be Afraid should have stayed out of the public purview. It's a laughable and disjointed little film with little to enjoy and little to write on.

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3. The Bye Bye Man

The Bye Bye Man is a rough film to get through. Melding teen horror, far too many conventional scares and poor CGI, this almost jokey movie didn't raise any hopes for the 2017 year in horror. The Bye Bye Man is filled with unlikeable and generally unreasonable characters with little meat. Like so many made-for-the-masses horror films, like Ouija, this movie felt deeply insincere and unstylish; two things that could have been changed and brought the movie a long way past the mediocrity viewers were left with.

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2. Rings

Objectively, Rings is the worst horror film of the year. In a rare first-person perspective, I've not forgotten how terrible this film was and how more than half of the audience in my theater stood up and walked out midway through. The experience was painful, but unlike anything I'd ever witnessed. No movie I've seen in a theater - big or small - has caused such a unanimous uprising. Tepid, poorly acted and incredibly tension-free, the CGI-fueled Rings felt insulting to both the original Ringu and the American remake. It wholly deserves every criticism it gets, and probably more. In fact, had it not been for one film's release, it would most certainly take the top spot. 

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1. Jeepers Creepers 3

In a second rare first-person perspective, I'm going to declare here and now, that I never saw Jeepers Creepers 3. But almost as objectively as one could look at Rings and personally as a human being, I can say that this movie is surely garbage. Directed by convicted child molester Victor Salva, Jeepers Creepers 3 picks up after the first film and... Well honestly, it doesn't matter because this movie was an offensive cash grab. It's an insult to horror fans everywhere that spend much of their time arguing that the genre isn't filled with creeps and criminals. That's it.

Worst in Show: 2017 Horror (Pt. I of II)

For what has been a mostly stellar year in horror, from big budget masterpieces to smaller indies, there have been a number of misses in the industry this year. So, as the prospects of ripping open some presents begin to take over minds all across the country and much of the world, we're taking a moment to rip open some of 2017's worst horror movies. Like those fantastic releases this year, these terrible horror films come in all shapes and sizes. Sequels, reboots and indies, alike found plenty to groan over. Here are the ones that warrant the loudest noises of displeasure.

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10. Amityville: The Awakening

In Amityville: The Awakening, Bella Thorne continues to jumps deeper down the scream queen rabbit hole and horror fans ask why she's being allowed to. What makes her marketable in these roles? In this film, viewers will continue to wonder. Bland, typical and far less impressive than most haunted house films, Amityville: The Awakening does answer the question as to why it had such a tumultuous release- it just wasn't worth releasing.

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9. 12 Feet Deep  

Winning points for concept, but losing the majority in execution, it'd be easily to believe that 12 Feet Deep would be the claustrophobic thriller of the year. Supposedly about a pair of sisters' fight for survival trapped in an Olympic pool, this movie brings in too many other plot lines in an almost anxious fear of the silent, overarching dread it should have driven (swam?) home. 12 Feet Deep isn't the most offensive release of the year, but it’s certainly one of the biggest let downs.

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8. Darkness Rising

IFC Midnight has been quite a savior for horror in recent years. Distributing some of the biggest names in modern horror, the typically sleek distributors have dealt out some duds, but mostly their releases have been great. Unfortunately, one of their duds - this year's Darkness Rising - is a mark too big to ignore. Annoying, unintelligible and poorly told, Darkness Rising definitely brings the darkness. If only there was something scary within it.  

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7. The Mist (TV Series)

What began as an intriguing recreation of the Stephen King novel of the same name, quickly divulged into a schlocky and redundant piece of bad special effects, mediocre acting and unlovable characters. The Mist isn't a movie and thus it’s difficult to compare to others on this list, but in a way, that makes it almost worse. Given an entire season to bring in the fears and unleash terror on audiences, The Mist serves as a blatant reminder that horror is only good, when all of its pieces work together. Not helping its situation is the previously released feature film of the same name that is far superior.

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9.  Cold Moon

Just yesterday, Cold Moon received a scathing review from HOR(iley)ROR noting it as competition for worst of the year. However, upon reflection, it gets somewhat of a pass in light of movies that are somehow even worse. A mystery thriller with supernatural elements, this film follows the aftermath of the murder of a young woman in a small southern town. Digestible but not much else, Cold Moon feels entirely senseless. The violence? Senseless. The characters? Senseless. And the plot? Completely senseless. In multiple scenes it becomes clear how difficult it must have been to sell this movie to any distributer. There is little rhyme or reason for any of the film's direction and in the end... Well, chances are you won't make it that far.

Review: Cold Moon

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What counts as a horror film? For some, horror movies are exclusively supernatural in nature. Haunted houses and aliens, werewolves and vampires, these movies represent a pretty narrow perspective. But for others, the broader definition includes thrillers like The Gift or The Invitation; movies designed to create a sense of dread or by definition, horror. This second world, the one in which more movies count in the genre because they truly deserve to, is the one that should be the rule, not the exception. Unfortunately though, this opens up the door to some bad ideas and some even worse films that horror sites must review. Movies like Cold Moon.

Following an investigation into a young woman's murder, this southern thriller is an absolute mess of a movie. With little actual direction and a main villain that is relatively unstoppable or suspected by the characters until the ghastly images he sees cause him to go insane, Cold Moon is like Gone Girl if Gone Girl was filtered through a horrendous, supernatural lens.  It stars Josh Stewart (Interstellar), Robbie Kay (Fugitive Pieces), Candy Clark (Zodiac), Frank Whaley (Pulp Fiction) and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future), all playing what is probably their worst roles to date.


The stupidity of the characters is constantly on full display. One scene where a character just leaves his car at the beckon call of a masked man possibly seeking help is completely ridiculous and unrealistic. There is no actual substance, rhyme or reason to him willingly getting out of the vehicle, and yet, here we are with two dead main characters. Then there's the awkward male gaze in one particular scene seems negligent considering it serves little purpose outside of showcasing a barely clothed woman in the woods with her fully clothed boyfriend. It’s a smaller part of a whole mess, but important to note nonetheless.


But the character work isn't the only thing wrong with Cold Moon. All too frequently, the dialogue relies on buzzwords like rattlesnakes and phrases like "the sticks," making blatantly clear that the filmmaker's perception of the South is relatively shallow, Its score - melodramatic and overstated - removes any sense of suspense or atmosphere. The flashback cutaways seem pulled from dramatic PSAs from the 90s.


Cold Moon is bad, almost offensively so. It's predictable, uninteresting and drearily tossed together. Viewers able to stick through this movie in its entirety deserve a reward, especially considering the film gives little to satisfy. They'll find little quality in this mystery thriller- if you can even call it that.

 

Review: Slumber

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Sleep paralysis films seem to be all the rage in horror right now. From the fantastically creepy documentary, The Nightmare, to the mediocre-at-best Dead Awake, the uptick in these films has also inspired a lot more people to come forward with their nightmarish fears. But, where the documentary succeeded, no fictional account of the disorder has quite captured the uniquely horrifying experience. Looking to change that is Slumber.

Operating on a fresh perspective from a sleep doctor who encounters a sinister force behind a family's sleep paralysis experience, Slumber does little to hold interest. While its premise provides a new, more medical angle the movie's conventions are all too known and done superiorly better in other supernatural demon flicks. There's the typical empty dark space scares and some odd placement for scoring, this along with contrived creepy children and bland, one dimensional acting from supporting cast are all telling signs of an inexperienced filmmaker's blunders.


Slumber is directed by freshman Jonathan Hopkins and stars Maggie Q (Divergent) as sleep doctor, Alice Arnolds. It also features Will Kemp (Reign) as her husband, Kristen Bush (Liberal Arts) and Honor Kneafsley (Miss You Already) as the two most resonating Morgan family members, Sylvester McCoy (The Hobbit) as the token spiritualist, and William Hope (Aliens) as a fellow sleep doctor. As noted the majority of them are mediocrely elaborated on, brimming with flaky dialogue and uninteresting decisions. McCoy makes the greatest offences playing a really obnoxious former sleep paralysis victim and Hope is the only one who isn't a complete disaster in a supporting role, but he's a much smaller part of the film. For Maggie Q however, one of the only salvageable actors from the mess that was the Divergent franchise, Slumber once again finds her as a bright spot. She deserves better than this film as she did Divergent, and it'd be a welcome opportunity for her to continue down the horror path.


Outside of the dialogue and character issues, there is still one glaring missed opportunity and that's that Slumber itself just isn't entertaining. It drags on with far too many recycled techniques. It's as if the filmmakers sat down, watched a host of successful horror films and decided to adapt their scenes into a poor medical drama. The tension is nonexistent and the plot aimlessly stumbles along until it finally ends with little more than a fizzle.


Slumber is instantly forgettable. It’s not the type of movie worth watching and even if people did, they'd be hard pressed to find others who remember it enough to talk about it with. It’s got a lot of missed opportunities as it drags a great premise through too many conventions. Even with Maggie Q's bright light, this film feels dim. It’s a shame, too, because in a world where Dead Awake wasted  Jocelin Donohue's talents, it seems Slumber did once again with Maggie Q's. 3 out 10.

 

Best in Show: Winter Horrors (Pt. II of II)

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5. Crimson Peak

Mistakenly marketed as a horror movie, but also featuring plenty of horror elements, this gothic romance is an incredibly visual journey. Dripping with director Guillermo Del Toro's stylistic charm, Crimson Peak is lush and brimming with dense fabrics and colors; complimentary to the derelict mansion's snowy exterior. Even the snow, dyed red thanks to the clay mined beneath the mansion is so vivid and intentionally placed. All of this culminates into a truly sensory experience that'll have viewers completely invested in Del Toro's fairytale-like world.  

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4. 30 Days of Night

During winter, days are shorter and nights are longer and in Alaska, this is most definitely true. Known for its impossibly short days and incredible long nights, this Northern state is the perfect setting for a winter horror film; especially when that film's evil resides in nocturnal creatures. So, around the time the Twilight franchise was dismantling the horror of vampires, the Alaskan-set horror film, 30 Days of Night, was reminding us just how terrifying these bat-like beasts can be. Action-packed and filled with blood-soaked snow, this film utilized its harsh setting perfectly to capture the dreadfulness of 24/7 cold nights.

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3. Frozen

Afraid of heights? Hate the cold? Well, the confined location of the oft-forgotten, non-Disney film, Frozen, will probably terrify you. Taking place almost entirely on an immobilized ski lift, Frozen finds a group of friends who are forgotten on a long weekend near the top of a mountain. Incredibly disconcerting, this film will creep into your bones. Frozen is grounded in reality, opting for the very real fears of hypothermia over supernatural entities and beasts. Fair warning, if you do actually like skiing and snowboarding, Frozen may be best avoided.

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2. The Grey

Liam Neeson is undoubtedly one of the most prolific action stars of our time. From all of the Taken movies to Non-Stop, his decades-spanning career has landed him plenty of hits and a fair share of misses. But, perhaps one of his greatest films is the epic survival tale told in The Grey. Telling the story of a group of plane passengers who survive a crash deep in the Northern wilderness, The Grey is compelling and surprisingly deep. Through all the violent wolf encounters, is a heartfelt core centered on friendship and bonds. It’s an intense thriller with more than enough gore to appease genre fans.

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1. The Shining
While Misery is a fantastic winter horror movie, nothing quite captures the cabin fever of winter more than The Shining. A classic masterpiece known by all, this film is probably the most iconic to come from author Stephen King's work. In the film, the trapped Torrance’s slowly spiral out of control witnessing plenty of horrific acts and scary supernatural entities. With thick fabrics and a hedge maze filled with snow, this movie is best save for the coldest months of the year.  The Shining is an incredibly influential film and its ability to capture the horrors of winter and turn them into something so fantastically engrossing is unparalleled.

Best in Show: Winter Horrors (Pt. I of II)

Despite the unseasonably warm weather, winter should be starting up any moment. As the days get shorter, the nights longer and cold weather starts setting in, icy shapes start to form and things can get little spooky. And, while horror films have a tendency to chill bones even in the dead of summer, it's those set in winter that'll leave you absolutely frozen with fear. These movies often utilize their settings' harsh temperatures and climate with incredible force, creating an experience that can feel urgent, claustrophobic and completely terrifying. So as the snow runs scarlet and the dread fills you up, grab a blanket and get ready for some wild rides.



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10. Dead Snow

Dead Snow is a ridiculous movie - no one is arguing that. The film follows a group of friends vacationing deep in the Norwegian wilderness when they are come upon by zombies. And not just any zombies- Nazi zombies. Even weirder, these oddly sentient beings use weapons to slaughter their victims. A true splatter film, this comedic, bloody movie is honestly, a little terrifying. Through all the comedy - whether it is a Molotov cocktail accidentally missing a window it needs to go through or pretty much any interaction with the Nazi zombies - Dead Snow actually has plenty of scares.

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9. The Blackcoat's Daughter

Arguably one of the best films to come out of 2016, The Blackcoat's Daughter is best described as a small flickering candle in the middle of nothingness. Chilling in the best way possible, this film deserved the accolades it received as we followed a student trapped at her school with only another student during a holiday break. The Blackcoat's Daughter is a beautiful master class of the slow burn. It is completely restrained; grounded in realism, despite its supernatural elements. It's the type of movie that some will hate, but most will feel compelled to drudge through the dark and unwelcoming atmosphere.

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8. Misery

What winter horror movie list would be complete without at least one entry for Stephen King, who hails from a place known for particularly rough winters. Misery is perfect for this time of year given its winter-based story, country home furnishings and muted-tone sweaters and clothing worn by its characters. Aging relatively well, most people know the story of the obsessed young woman who captures her favorite author after a car accident and imprisons him in a remote cabin. Misery is a hazy and fantastic journey with some out-of-this-world scenes worthy of the history books.

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7. Devil's Pass Despite some terrible CGI toward the end of this movie, Devils Pass is a horrific endeavor most comparable to The Blair Witch Project. Following a group of American students who set off into Ural Mountains to uncover the truth of the real-life Dyatlov Pass incident, this found-footage feature is best reserved for a cold night. Deeply unsettling and able to perfectly capture the fears of things that go bump in the night, Devil's Pass is an underrated gem worth watching - even if the end reveal is a little laughable.



6. The Thing 

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A bona fide classic, the 1982 version of The Thing is a legendary horror film featuring a group of researchers burrowed away at a base in Antarctica. Iconic to this day, this movie has everything representative of harsh climates; from ice and huskies, to snowmobiles and giant puffy coats. The Thing has some pretty incredible special effects given the year it came out and the setting is fantastic for an extra cold day. Sure, the average person will never find themselves in the coldest place on earth, but who among us hasn't felt like a winter day isn't the coldest day recorded?

Review: The Elf

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After the beaming success Krampus, it seemed only realistic that viewers would receive plenty of yuletide horror, whether they wanted it or not. After all, while not the first, Krampus encapsulated everything holiday horror could and should be. It featured plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, some good scares and a hilarious cast. The fact is horror films set on Christmas should never be taken as straight up genre fare. Unfortunately for The Elf, the only things not taken seriously are the filmmaking and acting.

Following a young man who discovers a haunted elf toy among items he inherited in an old toyshop, The Elf makes clear attempts at copying the successes of classics like Child's Play with very, very little success. Built around the man's night terrors surrounded by his return to his hometown, this film makes little effort to clarify, establish plot points and create in-depth characters; opting instead for tossed in features from better films.


The Elf stars Gabriel Miller (Manifesto) and Natassia Halabi (Born to Be Blue) as couple, Nick and Victoria. They're flanked by a host of supporting characters playing family members, car accident survivors and an awkwardly portrayed trash friend. Each is pretty much universally bad. Miller and Halabi have the chemistry of a two pieces missing from different puzzles and neither is very good at pretending to be afraid or courageous. Neither seem fully damaged enough to garner sympathy, either. But, while the acting by the two main stars is bad, the supporting cast though? It’s much, much worse. As noted, there's some pretty flat characters meant to add fodder to the kill count, but probably the most worthwhile to rip on is Victoria's trashy urban friend who was clearly an actress's really terrible character choice.


Other flaws in the film include the dialogue, props, score and visual effects. The dialogue is disingenuous and more like a bad Lifetime movie, although that would be an insult to the cheesy entertainment of those flicks. The props seem desperately placed together; mismatched furniture, time pieces and garage sale finds, making for something less eclectic and more blaringly cheap. Then there's the overuse of sound and music to attempt to create atmosphere and visual effect failures that could have easily been avoided using a still doll. All of this creates a truly unpleasant time.


It's not as if this movie shouldn't exist. It should - if only as a reminder that no matter your goal, whether it be financial or emotive, creating a film needs some sort of core heart. The Elf is not joyous or enjoyable. It's a miserable and unfunny feature. It's missing in The Elf. This film is offensive to the eyes of fans, terrible resume builders for the cast and crew and deserves little to no acknowledgement past discussing its eventual tossing in the trash. 0 out 10.

 

Review: Dismissed

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It's always a little uncomfortable when a child star transitions into adulthood. If done well, this move can come with an entirely new fan base and well deserved accolade. Done poorly and the complete brand change can feel rushed, phony and problematic. Especially in acting, many young stars have found it difficult to move from small screen kid’s television shows to big screen or primetime adventures. Look no farther than Disney which has churned out star after star with some great successes and some awkward failures. Currently on an uptick though, is one of the breakout stars of The CW's Riverdale, Dylan Sprouse.

With his latest feature, an Orphan-esque teen horror film titled Dismissed, the future seems bright for Sprouse, even if the resulting film is ridiculously shallow entertainment. Dismissed follows a new high school student, Lucas, who's hell-bent on receiving an A and getting into Harvard. Things transpire as one might guess when he receives a B on a paper that looks more like a novel than an assignment. Dismissed also stars Kent Osborne (Adventure Time) as the offending teacher, Chris Bauer (The Wire) as Lucas's father and Rae Gray (Fear the Walking Dead) as a victim of Lucas's villainy.


Dismissed is most reminiscent of a Lifetime movie, but with a horror edge. Like a paper-thin Orphan, it definitely is a tossed together project meant to capitalize on Sprouse's recent fame. The plot is far-fetched, the dialogue is often ridiculous and the characters are sometimes flat. Dismissed isn’t even all that interesting given the plethora of other, more superior obsession stories available. Yet, there is something oddly satisfying about this movie.


Despite its many flaky shortcomings, this film finds the light in its actors. Each of the actors is fantastic in their relatively melodramatic and over-the-top roles. Osborne's plays a caring father who will do anything to protect his family well, even if his dramatic dialogue is a bit cheesy and Gray's Becca is scarily gullible. But as mentioned, the truest star is Sprouse who captures the meticulous and unhinged Lucas well.


How does Dismissed end? Exactly how you think it will. This movie offers no surprises, no shock value and very little scares. But as a whole, Dismissed makes it far on its short little legs. It’s an easily digestible, stupidly enjoyable endeavor that anyone could rip apart but most will probably just rather sit around and invest around a television with friends. 6 out 10.

Review: Woodshock

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Despite what can feel constant ignorance of award shows and critics, horror movies - even modern ones - often go hand-in-hand with art. Brimming with metaphors and featuring some of the best camerawork in the business, horror films can be tasteful and fantastic pieces of cinema. Movies like The Witch and most recently IT are genre films deserving of recognition, and even films like The Neon Demon are more reliant on its art than its horror. So why is it then, that when these artful indie horror movies are bad, they're incredibly bad? Well look no further than Woodshock.

Written and directed by costume designer sisters Kate and Laura Mulley, Woodshock is exactly the type of movie you'd expect from costume-designers-turned-first-time-directors. Missing a concrete plot and dosed in antiquated furniture and décor, this film follows a woman who becomes infatuated with a mind-altering drug. It stars Kirsten Dunst (The Beguiled), Joe Cole (Green Room) and Pilou Asbæk (Game of Thrones).


Kirsten Dunst who has thankfully been on an upward trend in the past years has never seemed more lost in a role. Melodramatic and one note, the troubled young woman she plays is less inspired and more stiffly automated. The emotional depth that she found in films like The Beguiled and on the television series Fargo, are gone and in its place is a woman simply going through the motions of an indie thriller with little depth.  The one brighter spot in this film comes from Asbæk who is the most understandable character throughout.


Nightmarishly bland and unnecessarily sheepish, this drearily artsy film has little substance even if it’s somewhat pleasing to the eyes and ears. In an attempt to find meaning behind the film, it's clear that the directors chose eclecticism and tack on as many spiraling, reflective objects they could find and hoped for the best. The fact is, underneath it all, this movie is distant and cold - its characters feel flat and drifting.


Woodshock will likely be forgotten and it’s probably for the best. No matter its deeper meaning, its purpose or the creators' intention, nothing feels realistic or interesting in what ends up feeling like a tossed together piece. There's obviously a vision, but it could use a revision and then maybe another. Dunst and the others deserve better than this muted kaleidoscope of a movie. So do critics and viewers. 3 out 10.

Review: Nails

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Whether snowed in at an empty hotel, stuck on a ski lift or trapped within an elevator, horror movies have made the most out of stationary locations. Often creating a sense of claustrophobia, audiences cringe at the inescapable horrors that surround these films' characters. From classics like The Shining to more modern fare like Devil, movies featuring a closed in location have proven to be effectively secluded - even in the middle of cities or busy buildings. The latest film to capture this is Nails.

Starring self-described scream queen Shauna Macdonald (The Descent) as Donna, Nails finds ghostly scares limited to a hospital bed. After a car accident, Donna becomes disabled and forced to rehabilitate in a spooky older hospital with a dark past. Each night, suspicious things happen around her and she is unable to defend herself or prove these issues. Like sleep paralysis, this movie uses her inability to move to create tension. It also stars Leah McNamara (Lily) as Donna's daughter, Gemma, Steve Wall (Vikings) as Donna's husband, and comedian Ross Noble as Donna's nurse and confidante.


Nails is impressively compact. It's the kind of movie that works because of its characters and scenery, not its story. Macdonald's performance elevates the one-room horror flick way beyond what this otherwise practical horror story could have been. Nails, the central antagonist is less the center than the background device at which the characters are propelled; only providing scares but never amounting more than the one dimension he began the story as. MacDonald in - all her horror glory is impressive - and deserving of a lot of credit. Without her in the hospital bed, this movie could fall apart easily. But, her ability to convey terror is as impressive as ever.


The most glaring flaw in Nails is its dependence on horror conventions. With plenty of bump-in-the-night scares and dreadfully empty stares into dark corners, Nails does little to create anything fresh. But, that doesn't mean it’s not still at least a little scary. Filled with deeply embedded tension and an atmosphere that is dreary and filled with shadows, Nails does succeed at creating horror, even if it’s not the type of horror that's quite uniquely terrifying.


Overall, for a typical ghost tale, this indie flick is impressively put together. There's a deeply unsettling atmosphere, some terrific acting and a well-established actress at the help. Nails may not be overly creative in its execution, but it’s an entertaining and relatively scary endeavor. Nails shouldn't be as worthwhile as it is, but the core of this film is haunting even if it fails to exceed expectations of what a ghost movie can be. 7 out 10.

Review: Like.Share.Follow

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In recent years, horror and technology have converged. From found-footage films that use drones to entire plot lines needing the internet or Skype to function, these movies have a growing history in the genre. Building on this new world of digitalization and tying into last week's list of these movies is the newly released Like.Share.Follow.


Following a semi-famous teen Youtuber and his friends, Like.Share.Follow. is a winding exploration of obsessive celebrity culture and the length fans believe themselves to be a part of the lives of constantly status updating celebrities. Released alongside Totem by Cinemax, The movie takes a turn when a young woman decides to take her obsession to the next level and go from online-stalker to physical stalker, as she seeks out and becomes romantically attached to the Youtuber. The film stars Keiynan Lonsdale (Insurgent) as Garret, the Youtuber who is tricked into a relationship with his obsessive fan, Shell, played by Ema Horvath (Burning Kentucky).


Like many teen horror films, the quality of Like.Share.Follow. resides mostly in entertainment value, rather than actual scares. And unlike the aforementioned and previously reviewed Totem, Like.Share.Follow. is truly fun. Far more watchable thanks to Lonsdale who carries a large portion of the film on his charisma alone, Like.Share.Follow. isn't all that groundbreaking or original. But, it's definitely better than the comparative Totem and certainly way more enjoyable to watch. Horvath is also great in her role as the unhinged girl who simply cannot process that what she's doing is quite insane.


Like.Share.Follow. works best as an exploration of youth and digitalization. The very intimate nature of social media and the connection celebrities now must maintain with fans is on full display throughout the movie. Despite it's been there-done-that stalker premise, the heavy hand of modern life helps it stand out. This isn't just another recreation of The Roommate or Misery, it's its own thing altogether. It’s the type of movie that in a world of short attention spans is capable of holding audiences attentions with all its new gizmos and gadgets and atmosphere of “what-ifs.”


Like.Share.Follow. does the most with its stale narrative. With plenty of youth-driven plot devices and a great final punch, it's hard to deny the movie's personality. Turning out great performances by young stars and capturing the unhinged nature of stan culture, this movie is worth sitting through - even if you find that your phone is out the majority of the time. 6 out 10.

Best in Show: Digital Damnation (Pt. II of II)



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5. Bedeviled

Recency bias aside, Bedeviled does a fantastic job at capturing youth digital culture. The very basis of this film surrounds an app that seems like a must-have, but later turns into a must-be-stopped. With plenty of creepy scenes and a devilish voice crackling through mobile devices, Bedeviled is perfectly entertaining, even if a little silly. This film feels fresh thanks to its pairing of teenagers' attachment and need for their phone at all times and a demon that comes along with it.

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4. Kairo (Pulse)

Kairo, a Japanese horror film that finds a number of victims battling an internet ghost, is a well-regarded classic. It's a slow-burning, dual-storyline flick that was one of the first digital horror movies of its kind. With a fantastic soundtrack, dreadfully tense moments and effective acting all make for a film that Is really well put together, even if early-2000 visuals run rampant in Kairo, taking away some of its power. But, despite this hurdle, Kairo is still scary - scary enough to watch now, even If our computers are very different and the impact of some of the more special effects are antiquated.

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3. The Den 

In The Den a young researcher's social experiment goes horribly wrong when she witnesses a murder on an online video chat room. In doing so, she unbeknown to her becomes the killer's next target. Easily one of the scarier found-footage films to come out of the modern era, The Den is intensely grounded, ensuring a terrifying time for those who live alone. The Den use of idle time spent with digital strangers to instill fear and it’s very effective.

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2. Ringu/The Ring

The Ring was all the rage when it was released. One of those Asian-import remakes that managed to capture at least some of the original's fantastic horrors. Easily one of the most iconic horror films of all time with a ghoulish figure that has been recreated over and over, Ringu and The Ring are certainly classics. Each features the ghastly Samara who kills her victims seven days after they see a disturbing VHS tape. Later adapted for the more modern era, but better left in the day of VHS shelves, this franchise is deservedly a forefather of technological horror.

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1. Sinister

While Ringu and The Ring are often considered the best of the best when it comes to horrific technology, it's hard to argue the deeply disturbing effectiveness of Bagul moving through pictures and video tapes. Sure, Ringu is a classic, but it continues to age and in a world where VHS isn't even accessible to most, it feels dated. Even with the follow up Rings, the magic seems almost lifted from these terrifying horror films. But, what has yet to be effected by time is the continually scary Sinister. More transcendent of time than The Ring franchise, the evil demon at the center of Sinister needs only images of himself to move among worlds - something that works especially well in homes filled with screens. From laptop images to pictographs to moving videos, Bagul can visibly stand the test of time and could continue to do so in theaters, even if its lackluster sequel underwhelmed.