Review: Cold Moon

(imdb.com)

What counts as a horror film? For some, horror movies are exclusively supernatural in nature. Haunted houses and aliens, werewolves and vampires, these movies represent a pretty narrow perspective. But for others, the broader definition includes thrillers like The Gift or The Invitation; movies designed to create a sense of dread or by definition, horror. This second world, the one in which more movies count in the genre because they truly deserve to, is the one that should be the rule, not the exception. Unfortunately though, this opens up the door to some bad ideas and some even worse films that horror sites must review. Movies like Cold Moon.

Following an investigation into a young woman's murder, this southern thriller is an absolute mess of a movie. With little actual direction and a main villain that is relatively unstoppable or suspected by the characters until the ghastly images he sees cause him to go insane, Cold Moon is like Gone Girl if Gone Girl was filtered through a horrendous, supernatural lens.  It stars Josh Stewart (Interstellar), Robbie Kay (Fugitive Pieces), Candy Clark (Zodiac), Frank Whaley (Pulp Fiction) and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future), all playing what is probably their worst roles to date.


The stupidity of the characters is constantly on full display. One scene where a character just leaves his car at the beckon call of a masked man possibly seeking help is completely ridiculous and unrealistic. There is no actual substance, rhyme or reason to him willingly getting out of the vehicle, and yet, here we are with two dead main characters. Then there's the awkward male gaze in one particular scene seems negligent considering it serves little purpose outside of showcasing a barely clothed woman in the woods with her fully clothed boyfriend. It’s a smaller part of a whole mess, but important to note nonetheless.


But the character work isn't the only thing wrong with Cold Moon. All too frequently, the dialogue relies on buzzwords like rattlesnakes and phrases like "the sticks," making blatantly clear that the filmmaker's perception of the South is relatively shallow, Its score - melodramatic and overstated - removes any sense of suspense or atmosphere. The flashback cutaways seem pulled from dramatic PSAs from the 90s.


Cold Moon is bad, almost offensively so. It's predictable, uninteresting and drearily tossed together. Viewers able to stick through this movie in its entirety deserve a reward, especially considering the film gives little to satisfy. They'll find little quality in this mystery thriller- if you can even call it that.

 

Review: The Elf

(imdb.com)

After the beaming success Krampus, it seemed only realistic that viewers would receive plenty of yuletide horror, whether they wanted it or not. After all, while not the first, Krampus encapsulated everything holiday horror could and should be. It featured plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, some good scares and a hilarious cast. The fact is horror films set on Christmas should never be taken as straight up genre fare. Unfortunately for The Elf, the only things not taken seriously are the filmmaking and acting.

Following a young man who discovers a haunted elf toy among items he inherited in an old toyshop, The Elf makes clear attempts at copying the successes of classics like Child's Play with very, very little success. Built around the man's night terrors surrounded by his return to his hometown, this film makes little effort to clarify, establish plot points and create in-depth characters; opting instead for tossed in features from better films.


The Elf stars Gabriel Miller (Manifesto) and Natassia Halabi (Born to Be Blue) as couple, Nick and Victoria. They're flanked by a host of supporting characters playing family members, car accident survivors and an awkwardly portrayed trash friend. Each is pretty much universally bad. Miller and Halabi have the chemistry of a two pieces missing from different puzzles and neither is very good at pretending to be afraid or courageous. Neither seem fully damaged enough to garner sympathy, either. But, while the acting by the two main stars is bad, the supporting cast though? It’s much, much worse. As noted, there's some pretty flat characters meant to add fodder to the kill count, but probably the most worthwhile to rip on is Victoria's trashy urban friend who was clearly an actress's really terrible character choice.


Other flaws in the film include the dialogue, props, score and visual effects. The dialogue is disingenuous and more like a bad Lifetime movie, although that would be an insult to the cheesy entertainment of those flicks. The props seem desperately placed together; mismatched furniture, time pieces and garage sale finds, making for something less eclectic and more blaringly cheap. Then there's the overuse of sound and music to attempt to create atmosphere and visual effect failures that could have easily been avoided using a still doll. All of this creates a truly unpleasant time.


It's not as if this movie shouldn't exist. It should - if only as a reminder that no matter your goal, whether it be financial or emotive, creating a film needs some sort of core heart. The Elf is not joyous or enjoyable. It's a miserable and unfunny feature. It's missing in The Elf. This film is offensive to the eyes of fans, terrible resume builders for the cast and crew and deserves little to no acknowledgement past discussing its eventual tossing in the trash. 0 out 10.

 

Review: Be Afraid



(imdb.com)

This review will be short - the worthwhileness in writing it is simply to acknowledge the fact that I sat through it in its entirety. And, while this review takes on a more candid tone and leaves behind the typical standards of review writing, Be Afraid is an insult to horror and deserves nothing more. Equally bad as it is boring, confusing and ultimately dumb (there's not an elegant way to say it), Be Afraid is weaker than any horror movie out this year- indie or otherwise. Where one could typically toss its failures to a lower budget or an indie release, the fact of the matter is, this film is absolute nothingness.

Be Afraid is about a family that moves into an older house where something happened to the previous tenants. There's a ghoul that spearheads the scares, seemingly plucked from the documentary The Nightmare, and at various points a young love story featuring a girl who feels trapped in the hometown she grew up in and a returning stepson with a past, seems to bud. To be honest, that's my synopsis takeaway and I'm not entirely sure it's all right, but it doesn't look like the filmmakers cared to make it clear in the first place. The film stars an ensemble of actors who I won't name as not to mar their careers.

It's the type of film made without care, without passion and most certainly, without the intent to interest its audience. There's nothing scary, thoughtful or comical about Be Afraid. It's never funny-bad so that it could at least hope to end up in a movie pack in Wal-Mart or good enough to even find some sort of middle ground, instead it's simply an unfortunate film without any redeemable qualities, for B-fans, indie fans or horror fans in general.

While it'd probably be argued that this film was loved and cared for; that someone somewhere out there held it near and dear to their heart, but the simple fact of the matter is that if someone did care, it got entirely lost in translation. Be Afraid is a confusing, muddled mess with stereotypical roles and problems. The transitions between scenes, conversations and scares are disjointed and out-of-place and scenes seem directly plucked from far superior films. 1 out 10.