Best in Show: Holiday Horrors (Pt. II of II)





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5. P2
P2 isn't the most memorable horror film. But, with a fantastic concept and a terrifically loony role for Wes Bentley, this Christmas horror movie should be anything but forgettable. This typical obsession-slasher movie follows a corporate woman working late on Christmas Eve who becomes entangled in a cat-and-mouse game with a security guard blocking her in a parking garage. Things transpire with typical horror conventions but the resulting film glows with holiday cheer and is an entertaining addition to any yuletide playlist.



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4. Black Christmas

Whether deciding on the campy, spooky original or the somewhat grotesque remake, Black Christmas is a practical go-to slasher film for the season. Neither are masterpieces and both have some great aspects, and some really bad ones. But, while the bad is glaring, the good provides enough jolly holiday fun to make them more than worthwhile. The original's use of horrifying, telephone breathing and the remakes obscenely terrifying killer provide the perfect reminder that while these movies are definitely reserved for a certain time of the year, they will always be scary. 

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3. Better Watch Out

One of the best Christmas horror movies out there also happens to be one of the newest. Starring a cast a fantastic young stars, Better Watch Out is a twisty slasher brimming with the essence of the holidays. The visuals are lush, the lights warm and the bloodshed gory. All of it culminates into a perfect experience with funny, but intense results. Better Watch Out deserves the fan base it's rapidly collecting because it's a spirited and captivating holiday horror film that knows how to work its simple premise. Better Watch Out is now streaming exclusively on Shudder, a great move for a great movie.







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2. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is probably the most outlandish film to make this list. Odd, but actually scary, this comical Finnish horror flick is reminiscent of the worlds of Guillermo Del Toro, but with an undeniable locale-point of view. Rare Exports is now streaming on Prime which makes it all the easier to see for those of us who may have missed it on its first rounds. Full of festive undertones, brimming with sweater-adorning characters and really, really scary elves, this holiday movie is a blast.

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1. Krampus
While maybe the most typical option and the more famous out of the others, its negligent to ignore how polished Krampus is. Never taking itself too seriously, the film is full of campy scares, jovial comedy and overall high quality entertainment. Not only is it an effective holiday flick, it’s also a terrific horror and comedy one too. With characters that are unlikeable, yet lovable, elves as creepy as those in Rare Exports and plenty of odd baubles and trinkets that come to life, the ever-charming Krampus is a masterful blend of cinema.



Review: The Elf

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After the beaming success Krampus, it seemed only realistic that viewers would receive plenty of yuletide horror, whether they wanted it or not. After all, while not the first, Krampus encapsulated everything holiday horror could and should be. It featured plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, some good scares and a hilarious cast. The fact is horror films set on Christmas should never be taken as straight up genre fare. Unfortunately for The Elf, the only things not taken seriously are the filmmaking and acting.

Following a young man who discovers a haunted elf toy among items he inherited in an old toyshop, The Elf makes clear attempts at copying the successes of classics like Child's Play with very, very little success. Built around the man's night terrors surrounded by his return to his hometown, this film makes little effort to clarify, establish plot points and create in-depth characters; opting instead for tossed in features from better films.


The Elf stars Gabriel Miller (Manifesto) and Natassia Halabi (Born to Be Blue) as couple, Nick and Victoria. They're flanked by a host of supporting characters playing family members, car accident survivors and an awkwardly portrayed trash friend. Each is pretty much universally bad. Miller and Halabi have the chemistry of a two pieces missing from different puzzles and neither is very good at pretending to be afraid or courageous. Neither seem fully damaged enough to garner sympathy, either. But, while the acting by the two main stars is bad, the supporting cast though? It’s much, much worse. As noted, there's some pretty flat characters meant to add fodder to the kill count, but probably the most worthwhile to rip on is Victoria's trashy urban friend who was clearly an actress's really terrible character choice.


Other flaws in the film include the dialogue, props, score and visual effects. The dialogue is disingenuous and more like a bad Lifetime movie, although that would be an insult to the cheesy entertainment of those flicks. The props seem desperately placed together; mismatched furniture, time pieces and garage sale finds, making for something less eclectic and more blaringly cheap. Then there's the overuse of sound and music to attempt to create atmosphere and visual effect failures that could have easily been avoided using a still doll. All of this creates a truly unpleasant time.


It's not as if this movie shouldn't exist. It should - if only as a reminder that no matter your goal, whether it be financial or emotive, creating a film needs some sort of core heart. The Elf is not joyous or enjoyable. It's a miserable and unfunny feature. It's missing in The Elf. This film is offensive to the eyes of fans, terrible resume builders for the cast and crew and deserves little to no acknowledgement past discussing its eventual tossing in the trash. 0 out 10.

 

Best in Show: Horror-Comedy (Pt. II of II)

Here's the follow up to yesterday's list!

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5. Zombeavers

Do not miss this movie. It is gloriously awful. As someone who typically hates that, the fact that somehow Zombeavers is worthwhile should make people pause. It's hilarious and weird and like Black Sheep, it's a zombie-wereanimal film that is so hilarious in its faults that it makes for something amazing. Yeah, I hate movies like this, but Zombeavers is so endearingly awful and intentional that everything works.  Missing this movie (currently on Netflix) should be punishable.



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4. What We Do in the Shadows

If Slither is this list's horror-leaner, then What We Do in the Shadows is the comedy one. I'm a sucker (get it?) for mockumentaries and this one, based on a group of vampires, is no different. Not only is the application of vintage-vampires in the modern world hilarious on its own but the diversity of styles in each vampire is great. There are true stages in the development of the vampire mythology and the research that went into those developments is clear and visible. What We Do in the Shadows is one of the funniest movies I had seen in a while. At times more laughably pathetic than cool, the challenges faced by the vampires are all too human.



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3. Krampus

With Krampus, it feels like everyone knew it would go one of two ways: unfunny and plainly awful or amazingly hilarious and scary. Krampus is so candid in knowing its intentions that at no moment will viewers question its existence. It feels so meant to be- from its cast of hilarious actors to the strong visuals, Krampus is good for a watch year-round. What makes Krampus spectacular is that it never feels dumb. It's smart and trashy and exactly what you think it will be without the B-horror awfulness that often comes with horror-comedies.



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2. Shaun of the Dead

The first time I saw Shaun of the Dead I hadn't become engrossed in horror movies and even the shortest trailer terrified me. That being said, I was completely horrified by this movie. Yeah, it's great that it’s funny but something about Shaun of the Dead is also so scary. Even the jokey moments- like the zombie trapped on the pole, left me deeply unsettled. It definitely feels like one of the best zombie movies around, even better than some of the more serious ones. Shaun of the Dead is silly, but also really good.

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1. Zombieland

The only zombie horror-comedy that ever passed Shaun of the Dead in my book is Zombieland. Funnier, quicker and more adventurous, Zombieland also felt very grounded in the real world. Sure, one particular moment with Bill Murray is so over-the-top it's ridiculous (also hilarious), but a lot of the moves and reactions made by the group feel so normal and realistic. Zombieland could have been called How You Would Handle The Apocalypse and I would agree whole heartedly. Zombieland is funny and scary and while it's similar to Shaun of the Dead, its definitely more culturally relevant In its moments.

Best in Show: Horror-Comedy (Pt. I of II)

Defining what exactly a horror-comedy movie is can be difficult. At times, there is a fine line between a few different moments where a film runs too close one way or the other, may feature satire (like Scream) but isn't necessarily a comedy or is unintentionally funny and is actually just a bad movie. With those things considered, filmmakers must then pull off a movie that is actually entertaining. As someone who is openly predisposed to hating the diametrically opposing genre blend, my list of horror-comedy movies is pretty limited. For some movies that lean one way or the other or do so unintentionally, I tried sift through in exchange for very definable horror-comedy movies.


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10. They're Watching

They're Watching is weird. Simultaneously funny and at times, scarier than it should be, the smaller release of this film isn't one that should go unnoticed. It's ending, while insanely over the top, is the best kind of disaster. From the foreign backdrop, to the less than intelligent characters, They're Watching is a heaping mess of strange Eastern European foreigners and eccentric mythology that makes for a frolicking found-footage adventure with an insane ending to match.

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9. Slither

Slither definitely leans more towards horror than to comedy. When I originally caught this film on MTV years ago, it actually scared me and did little to make me laugh. Over the years, repeated watches have allowed me to see the comedy comfortably, while still being disconcerted by the grotesque parasites that deform and craze the townspeople. This movie is disgusting above most else. It's crazy cyst-like visuals will make your skin crawl long before you're able to utter a chuckle, that being said it's definitely worth something for being such an obnoxiously off movie.

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8. The Final Girls

Like Scream, The Final Girls definitely borders on being a simple satire, but hard inflections of comedy definitely permit it into this list. This movie is perhaps the most millennial film to come out in recent years. With a cast of young, budding stars including Taissa Farmiga of American Horror Story fame, The Final Girls has a lot of color and spunk for such a small movie. Actors like Adam Levine (Workaholics) and Thomas Middleditch (Silicon Valley), only up the level of the film's ability to make something that is wholly funny.

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7. Black Sheep

Like a lot of the movies that fill out this list, Black Sheep takes grotesque to a new level. Think American Werewolf in London transformation scene but much more horrifying and sheepish (sheep-like, but sheepish sounds better). Black Sheep is insane. Like a zombie-werewolf crossbreed featuring exclusively sheep, literally every moment of this film is a big, laughable question mark. The absurdity that runs rampant- more than pretty much any other movie I've seen, is noteworthy because Black Sheep plays like it has absolutely nothing to lose. Poor graphics, mediocre acting and somehow less than amazing views of New Zealand, all make for a movie that shouldn't be nearly as fun as it is.

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6. Scary Movie 3

To this day, Scary Movie 3 is the only movie in the entire parody franchise to make me laugh. In fact, it's also the only one in the series to scare me even slightly. The use of The Ring and Signs provided for such a array of material that the comedy benefited greatly over the previous two. It is so ridiculous, so unintelligent and yet, so confident, that it's worth the watch. Where low-brow comedy paired with gags would normally make for a cringe-inducing journey, something about Scary Movie 3 kept my attention.