Best in Show: Scary Movie Masks (Part I of II)

A lot of horror movies use masks. That's a plain ole' factual statement with very little explanation needed. However, making those masks scary is another story. Typically done well and seldom disruptive, masked assailants in horror almost always work hand-in-hand. In fact, I can't think of a movie where an intentional mask (not poor makeup) actually diffused the tension of a horror movie. Yeah some are cooler or look better and some are more destined for Halloween iconography, but ultimately masks almost always do more good than harm. Here's a list of the one's that have scared me the most.  



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10. Sam (Trick R' Treat)
It's hard to be simultaneously cute and scary, but somehow Sam's homemade mask in Trick R' Treat does just that. On one hand, you want to hold him, but something vacant about the movie's titular villain is off-putting. It's the kind of terrifying child horror movie fans crave, but also the kind that someone could possibly one day love. The mask works because it seems so innocent but ultimately leaves you more disconcerted than warm.



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9. Ghostface (Scream)

Not scary, insofar as it is iconic. The mask worn by the killers of the Scream franchise never really strike fear, but are notable and worthy, solely based on its infamy. Ghostface, like the demented painting it's based on, is weirder to look at than anything. The disproportionate, melted form of the mask, lend to its satirical properties.- where movies like Halloween try to bring terror through terrifyingly human masks, Scream brought a mask that looked all too fake.

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8. Mr. Mouse (Torment)

Ugh. This movie wasn't even all that good, but the stuffed-animal-turned-terrifying-face-mask of a children's toy was enough to give me nightmares. Torment is one of those lesser known horror movies that you watch on Netflix when there's nothing else to do. It wasn't spectacular but ultimately, I walked away with a fear of the movie's featured mask. Like a misshapen mouse, the stretched-out features of the kid's stuffed animal look grotesquely inappropriate and exaggerate the twisted nature of the killer. The bottom line and point I'm trying to make is that the mask of Torment is able to set off a good jump scare or head turn, but even if it couldn't save the movie's other flaws.

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7. Animals (You're Next)
Like Ghostface, the masks of You're Next are less scary than they are other things. For one, the masks of You're Next are fascinating to look at. Where some horror movies used distraught and beaten down features to bring out the horror, the animal masks in You're Next are so viscerally clean. They're not misshapen heaps and instead are the stuff of intensity. They're terrifying because unlike the person behind the mask of Ghostface, the people behind the masks of You're Next seem far more serious, ready to attack you at any moment.

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6. Polite Faces (The Purge) & Gasmask (My Bloody Valentine 3D)
I'm done with snarky comments about ties. Realistically, every list will have them since I always have more than 10 things to say. Why not expand my lists to 11? Because the pressures of coming up with 11 things every single time is too much.  But I digress. The Purge relaunched quite the Halloween craze when it came out. Between its masks flooding in and out of stores and people still wanting to be this group of purgers, the "polite" yuppies of the first Purge movie have achieved a Ghostface-like level of commercial infamy. All of this is for good reason though- this group of masked assailants is one of the scariest. Between eerie smiles and hollow eyes, The Purge killers are great additions to any slasher night.

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I included the gasmask from My Bloody Valentine 3D on this list because it is the most terrifyingly normal mask out there. Despite being a remake of the not so scary Canadian version, My Bloody Valentine 3D is surprisingly good. It's kind of cheesy but is the type of easy going slasher that you can really delve into. On top of that, the gasmask worn by the killer is so plain and terrifying that it's left me with a fear of miners (not minors, although I am afraid of those too). The glassy eyes and rugged exterior are similar to the effects of the animal masks in You're Next in that they're so harsh, they're scary.

Come back tomorrow for part two of this list!

 

 

 

Review: Arbor Demon





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Camping can provide quite the adventure on its own, add in horror elements and traversing in the forest quickly becomes a nightmare. Movies like 2014's Backcountry and Preservation, or the classic Blair Witch Project, gave those looking for it, a startling look at what can go wrong when you go into the woods without proper preparation. Queue this year's Arbor Demon. Quietly released and lesser known, Arbor Demon leads audiences into a camping trip gone horribly wrong when a group of hunters unsettle a monster that invades their site.

Arbor Demon is a creature feature that no one asked for but any fans of the subgenre will be fine with. While poor in practical effects and makeup, the feat of placing the movie almost entirely in broad daylight is pretty daring, and for that it earns points. The film stars Fiona Dourif (Cure of Chucky) as Dana, the girlfriend who sets the whole trip up, Rob Bouton (Crackerjack) as her boyfriend, Howard, and Jake Busey (From Dusk Till Dawn) as one of the hunters, Sean.

First: the problems. While both Dourif and Bouton make worthwhile efforts to establish a relationship that seems believable, progress is consistently muddled by Busey.  Busey seems pulled from the street into this movie and both his acting and his character hobble Arbor Demon. Whereas a third party in a movie about a loving couple normally is used to build the storyline and provide outside insight, it feels like Busy's hunter inserts himself in too plain and obtuse ways, seeming less natural and more like commentary that you'd hear on a bonus disc, not the film itself. As previously said, it is also important to note how bad the monsters look in this movie. Like an episode of Face Off where multiple people are sent home, there is not a lot to please the eye in Arbor Demon. It's a great little movie with a lot of potential but, the big reveal is definitely offset by what looks like a Walmart mask.

Arbor Demon does offer its fair share of positives though. For a creature feature, it's surprisingly low-key and grounded. Its final moments are over the top, but throughout the movie, nothing really happens that makes you laugh unintentionally. In addition, its spin on horror- using daylight, rather than the cover of night, also lends a hand to the movie's desire to be different. Arbor Demon isn't particularly scary, but for what it lacks in scares, it certainly makes up for in aspiration.

Arbor Demon feels like an early 2000s SyFy channel movie. Between nostalgic fades and weirdly placed music interludes, it actually becomes a fun throwback. Sure the pacing and some of the scares aren't great, but there's something simple about Arbor Demon that makes it entertaining enough. I give the movie 5 out of 10 tents because that's where the majority of this movie takes place.

Review: Don't Knock Twice



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I keep referencing 2016 as an amazing year for horror. My hopes are high for 2017, but it’s quickly looking like my expectations will not be reached. From The Bye Bye Man to Rings the theatrical release section of horror movies is doing pretty terribly. Sure, Split is great, but can it save 2017 alone? Probably not. Our hope it seems, is for smaller releases by production companies like IFC Midnight to carry some of the dead weight in cinemas across the country. The Axes Murders of Villisca left a lot to be desired but the year is still young, and when I found out about the release of Don't Knock Twice, I prayed. While I'm unsure if my prayers were exactly met, I will say that Don't Knock Twice is certainly a step up from the other horror movies released this year.


The movie follows an artist who's now-grown reenters her life after she gave her up years ago because of addiction. Then, when a childhood game of knocking on a condemned home takes a turn for the spooky, things get even more complicated for the already tense relationship. Don't Knock Twice stars Katee Sackhoff (Longmire) as Jess, the recovered mother to daughter Chloe, played by Lucy Boynton (Sing Street). It also features Nick Moran as a Detective (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), Jordan Bolger (iBoy) as Chloe's friend at the home, Javier Botet (Mama) as Jess' new husband and Pooneh Hajimohammadi (The Machine) as a spiritual mother who commissions Jess to sculpt her.

The biggest issue with Don't Knock Twice is its storytelling. Disjointed and at times confusing, Don't Knock Twice feels ADD. It's got all of the makings of a good plot and mythology but unfolds less like a napkin at a dinner party and more like a towel thrown out a window. Attempts to be "twisty and turny" aren't solid enough to withhold criticism. The mythology behind the witch's story is murky at best, even when it's suggested that it's clearly written out, it's obvious it needed more concrete effort. Don't Knock Twice feels like a good story, but then ruins it by dropping everything they build on to go in different directions, mostly at a loss to the viewer. It's like that company struggling to make a name for itself, but never sticks too hard into a new idea out of its lack of immediate success. It's a choppy movie that needs longer scenes and more flow, not random insertions like the one where Chloe levitates and almost gets sucked through some sort of door portal.

Don't Knock Twice does offer a few moments of fear, but these are spread thin and weakened by poorly timed scares and diffused tension. Scenes - like those in Chloe's friend Danny's apartment or the scene where Jess following the sound of cries through her house - begin terrifying but offer little to capture that fear once she stumbles on the witch. This seems to be a reoccurring and preluding theme throughout the whole movie in every aspect. A lot of Don't Knock Twice is spent building to a "moment" only for that moment to be nonexistent or tossed to the side of the road.

The acting is the best part of the Don't Knock Twice. Both Sackhoff and Boynton meet above level expectations for this indie horror movie. Sackoff's strong features lend a hand to her determined and headstrong attitude and extrapolate her expressions well. Boynton also does a good job as the struggling daughter coping with a lot of trauma and difficulties.

Don't Knock Twice isn't great. If I was 12 and this was the late 90s, maybe the jutted plot and broken CGI would be more acceptable, but in 2017 and at the age of 22, these inefficiencies are hard to ignore. Don't Knock Twice is fine if all you're doing is casually watching it on a Tuesday afternoon with nothing else to do. It's spooky, but never scary; it's got above average acting that never reaches too high; and its plot is interesting, but never compelling. The fact of the matter is, Don't Knock Twice is like that first car you buy on Craigslist; you'll get where you wanted to go but the ride won't be comfortable and also the radio doesn't work. I give the movie 5 knocks out of 10.

 

Review: Rings

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Horror sequels are a thing. There is no way around it. They're going to make them and they're going to make them a lot. What does need to be a thing however, is awful, no holds barred trash fires like Rings. I get it; the dislike for movies like Sinister 2 or Woman in Black: Angel of Death hold some warrant, but never again do I want to hear that horror movie sequels like these are as condemnable as the third installment in the long since dried The Rings series. This movie sucks, sorry there isn't some critical way of putting it. When something is this bad, it doesn't deserve to be examined seriously or academically. It just sucks. 

Note: Rings is a third, not a remake. Rings opens up as sort of a reboot to the old mythology put forth by the original two, but quickly devolves away through unexplainably complicated additions to the story, with what I'm guessing were hopes that no one remembered the actual plots of the previous two. This one follows Matilda Lutz (L'Estate Addosso) as Julia, a girlfriend and hopeful final girl who wants to find out why her boyfriend isn't texting her back. She goes to his college, barges in on one of his seminars and gets caught up in a science experiment involving Samara. Rings also features Alex Roe (The Fugitives) as boyfriend Holt, Johnny Galecki (The Big Bang Theory) as seedy science professor, Gabriel, and Vincent D'Onofrio (Full Metal Jacket)  as former priest and watcher of Samara's grave, Burke.

The list of atrocities committed by Rings is pretty extensive. So let’s look first at the scares since that's what really matters, right? Surprise, there are none! That is except for one- a bird hitting a windshield is this movie's sole jump scare and claim to fame. If I really cared to ever watch this movie again, I could just as easily Windex my window and wait for the same effect. From shaky CGI to the lukewarm suspense that would make even the most committed fidget, Rings seems so careless, it's as if it was just made to make money (this is the movie's only purpose, in case you couldn't pick that up).

Then, there's the acting. All around weak at best, sometimes worse than even expected, Lutz seems uninspired and unable to actually carry the role of a scream queen. Even after the dialogue attempts to set her up as strong-willed and independent woman, she quickly folds into half-hearted screams and acting that would make a freshman acting class cringe. Galecki also offers up a raw chicken quality as the professor who on one account is supposed to be "edgy" and "cool" but then also creepy for taking advantage of graduate students. You could also call out the D'Onofrio as well, but it's starting to feel a little repetitive. He's weak, but his storyline is equally awful, so maybe he's not entirely to blame (I'm being generous).

There is nothing salvageable about this tedious mess of a film. I could continue knocking on each and every aspect of how bad this movie was, but instead I'll say this: half of my theater got up and left midway through the movie. The other half, talking and on their phones, never sat still, captivated by the horrors of Rings. This movie is the type of car crash (oh there's one of those in this movie too, if that entices you), that you actually want to look away from because as noted, Rings sucks. I give it one square out of 10 rings because, like this movie it doesn't fit in.

Side note: I said The Bye Bye Man had an early ticket for worst of 2017, I rescind that. By comparison, The Bye Bye Man deserves Academy Awards.

Best in Show: Found Footage (II of II)

Here it is, the conclusion to my favorite found-footage horror movies! Below, you'll find a list of the horror movies I cannot get enough of. Shot with shaking hands and filled with scares, I would consider this subgenre to be underrated. Sure, there are one too many, but for the gems listed previously and for those below, the found-footage subgenre owes a lot of gratitude. These movies are fantastically spooky.

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5. The Last Exorcism (2010)

I really love a good exorcism movie. And, with so many out there, I have a ton of options. Unfortunately for that point, quantity doesn't equal quality, and for exorcism movies, there seems to be a slim picking of The Exorcist-level terror. Enter 2010's The Last Exorcism. Easily one of the scariest exorcism movies out there, The Last Exorcism is a gripping addition to the subgenre- even if its use of found-footage isn't that necessary or great. Ashley Bell is amazing (and flexible) as the titular star of the show. Her innocence-turned-evil personality is an incredible transformation worthy of attention.

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4. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

The Blair Witch Project holds the distinct position as being the first found-footage horror movie I ever watched. I cannot necessarily saw what I like so much about this movie. Maybe it's its originality or its atmosphere, but realistically, the first time I saw The Blair Witch Project, I did not enjoy it. However, time and again, every fall I rewatch this movie that I had thought I didn't enjoy. Every time I see it though, I notice something different. Whether it's new sounds or a subtle moment, I grip my seat a little tighter. I really have gone back and forth on my feelings about this movie, but in this post, I do hereby declare, that I've enjoyed 99 out of 100 times I have seen The Blair Witch Project.



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3. As Above, So Below (2014)

I never understood the hatred this movie got. Despite being a relatively original and filled to the brim with scares, the story of an adventurous archaeologist didn't receive much of a warm reception. I've seen this movie numerous times and still cannot figure out what people's problems were with it. Sure it was at peak found-footage hate, but As Above, So Below isn't only scary, it's also really interesting. Even without the scares, this movie would be an entertaining exploration film that delves deep underneath Paris. By knocking out all of the marks that most "bad" horror movies can't overcome, like bad acting and a lack of suspense, As Above, So Below impressed me more than most modern horror films do and continues to do so after every revisit.

2. The House October Built (2014)

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I'll be honest; The Houses October Built will more than likely be included on numerous lists throughout this blog until I'm sure every person ever has seen it. The Houses October Built is a stellar found-footage horror movie that actually makes sense. The whole documentary angle can seem tired and used up, but when there is a topic that would actually be documented with video cameras; like a group of friends searching for the ultimate haunted house, the resulting film can be a grounded and terrifying experience. I love The Houses October Built because it is such an effortless experience that never tries to go above and beyond but is entirely confident in its capabilities.

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1. The Visit (2015)

The Visit is by far one of the best modern horror movies out there. Intentionally funny, equally terrifying and shined with a plot twist that could make classic M. Night Shyamalan happy, this film marked the revival of a director who had become the butt of jokes. The Visit is insane. Each moment of this movie is horrifying. From the darkened hallways where the grandmother runs to the final climactic moments that could take your breath away, Add points for Kathryn Hahn's existence and placement in this movie and also for the scene underneath the house because it was shot in complete daylight proving once and for all that sometimes the scariest things in your life take place under the sun.

 

 

Best in Show: Found Footage (I of II)

When I decided to list out my favorite found-footage horror movies for this blog I had one thing in mind: Avoid the [REC] vs. Quarantine argument. For sure, there are strong arguments as to why [REC] is better- it's the original after all. But, I also feel like that shouldn't necessarily discredit its actually scary American remake. So, to avoid any argument from either side, I omitted these movies all together (you can toss them in wherever you want on this list). But, when I did eventually make out this article, I realized just how many options I had. Found-footage was a strong forced to be reckoned with and then it quickly petered out through oversaturation. However, between the muck and glum of various restarts for the subgenre, there are a lot of strong gems.



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10. The Bay (2012) & The Sacrament (2014) (A TIE! NO WAY!)

I'm not entirely sure what possessed me (get it?) to put these two next to each other. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't justify removing one for the other or maybe it's the fact that both movies are about investigations, but either way they deserve slots on this list.

For those with a weak stomach, The Bay is probably a movie you'll want to miss. But for those that do, this movie about a polluted water system and one local reporter's mission to survive and uncover the secrets behind the contamination, is a terrifying eco-horror story that is especially relevant today. The Bay is the type of movie that will make your skin crawl, but with enough of a message that makes you think.

This past summer I went through a weird cult phase. I read The Girls, watched Holy Hell and Jesus Camp and tried to find anything I could that focused on this subgenre. I quickly found The Sacrament thanks to Netflix. The Sacrament follows a pair of journalists who visit a cult that has captivated their friend's sister. The cult is suspect at best and things quickly unravel. The Sacrament is an insane look at cult culture that will keep you on the edge of your seat.



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9. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

I'll ignore any argument that suggests that any other part of the Paranormal Activity franchise is as good as its sequel. Easily the scariest and most definitely the most entertaining, the second film in the found-footage revival franchise is as good as sequels get. This movie left me haunted. The stories of the shadowy figure that sat at the end of the girls' beds as they slept kept me awake at night. I love Paranormal Activity 2 more than any in their mostly overrated franchise.

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8. Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County (1998)

In 1989, UFO Abduction (sometimes called The McPherson Tapes) was quietly released with a low-budget, homemade look that made a huge impact. Like the radio hit, War of the Worlds, UFO Abduction was believed to be real. But, after the confusion died down and the production made its mark, it was the recreation and feature-length adaption in 1998, that truly deserves recognition. Made with actors and a higher budget, Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County struck a deep cord in me because of its grounded and realistic feel. Sure, I went in knowing the movie wasn't real, but the stuffy, homemade feel of the movie laid a tone that is hard to overlook. Alien abductions make for scary conspiracy theories, and this homemade look at one is a terrifyingly intimate addition.



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7. Lake Mungo (2010)

At varying points, Lake Mungo left me with more questions than answers. It's a somewhat confusing movie about a missing girl and the potential ghost that she became. It's filled with twists and turns and when Lake Mungo veers it continues to keep audiences attentive. The whole atmosphere of this movie and its gloomy setting are enough to draw viewers in and scare them with intermittent moments of terror.



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6. The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

I feel like The Taking of Deborah Logan is the type of movie that belonged in theaters. It certainly offers a fair share of scares and its plot is much more original than most movies that come out of the genre. Everything about this movie is great. The acting is strong, the scares aren't cheap and the twisted nature at which the story unfolds is terrifyingly great. The Taking of Deborah Logan is a must-see for more than fans of the subgenre; it is a must for any horror fan out there.

Review: SiREN

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In 2016, a low-budget creature feature can be hard to pull off. Between the CGI-blasted action movies and the quiet visual effects of the fantasy genre, this subgenre has become somewhat of a poster child for mediocrity. Bad graphics simply do not work like they used to. And, if they don't work, you better hope and pray that something else about the movie does. This weird middle space is where we find 2016's SiREN. Lesser known than some of the other indie releases of 2016, but certainly passable, SiREN feels like a horror movie that should be worse than it is. As a feature length adaption to Amateur Night from horror-anthology, V/H/S, SiREN shouldn't work as well as it does.  Expanding a short story or film is a difficult task but one SiREN seems unafraid to take on.

SiREN follows a group of groomsmen and a soon-to-be husband on the night of his bachelor's party. When a night of mediocre strip clubs and drinking takes a turn for the unexpected upon venturing into a unsettling, niche strip club, things quickly unravel. As it turns out, one girl is being held captive, and the friends decide to help her escape. Then- plot twist, maybe she wasn't endangered because she actually was the danger. The film stars Chase Williamson (John Dies at the End) as groom Jonah, Hannah Fierman (V/H/S) as the captured Lily, Hayes Mercure (New Girl) as should've-been best man Rand,  and Justin Welborn (The Final Destination) as creepy club owner, Mr Nyx.

What drives this movie the farthest is its plot. While beginning rather shallow, the transformation of helping Lily escape from Mr. Nyx to finding out that the friends actually needed to escape Lily is definitely entertaining enough. In fact, by the time viewers reach the final climactic moment, they will be drawn into the film, unable to escape. There are definitely weaker parts in the movie; some scenes seemed tossed around to expand the length of the film, but there is enough going on and enough velocity in those going-ons to keep audiences watching.

The biggest problem in SiREN is its actors. While Williamson, Fierman Mercure and Welborn are fine enough, the supporting cast however, is weak at best. The odd, leech-haired woman, most of the other groomsmen and various outsiders all bring this movie down a notch with overacting and cheese. Surely some of this felt intentional, but most of them just felt like a part of a film school project. The movie's other problem is, as noted in the first paragraph, the graphics of the monster. At first, the mysterious Lily seems like a ghostly and terrifying seer, but when her wings spread and her teeth show, the Splice-like creature is less compelling and more meh.

 

SiREN is a great movie to watch on a cold, rainy day when you have the time. While it may not be theater-worthy I will not deny that this movie kept my attention long enough to finish. Its eccentric feel, final scene and entertaining plot line make for an easy watch, even if flaws hold it back. I give this movie 6 out 10 giant, sharp teeth.